What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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