As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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