He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
