Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love you.
Bad choice
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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