Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
