oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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