I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
