You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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