I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
