I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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