Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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