My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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