Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
