Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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