I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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