i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
