Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Be still, my beating vagina.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
