you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
