i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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