Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
