im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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