Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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