We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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