every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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