I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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