dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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