You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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