we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
