Already got asked if we're dating
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
