I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
