So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
