i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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