so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
