so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
