no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
