Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
