I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So squirting runs in the family.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is my gift to your gina
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
