thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
