I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
