Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
