have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
