its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
