I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
