there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
barbara walters just said penis...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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