I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
