Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
