He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
