i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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