My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
