dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How does one acquire holy water?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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