they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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