glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
