if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
